Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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