If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
