Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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