I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
