at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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