it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
