ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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