I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
not ubering you a puppy
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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