Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
