I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
