When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
