Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
