She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize