my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Sober January is a disaster.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
