We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
