I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
