I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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