3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
