he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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