I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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