I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
