He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
When did angry sex become our thing?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
