hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
