Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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