he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
