he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
