i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I need a beard to bite.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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