We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
