it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
