i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm way too hungover for life right now
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
