I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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