I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize