I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
