a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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