Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
