we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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