you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm both gender and math confused
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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