his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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