i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you traded sex for a burrito?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
