Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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