Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
