I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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