How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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