I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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