don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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