i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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