I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
