just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
zippers are such a cool invention
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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