dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
