My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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