Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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