Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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