Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
