her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
