i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
