And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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