dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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