there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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