He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
