She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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