you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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