he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
