SEEEEXXX PLEASE
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My life is pants optional.
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