I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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