you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
