I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
