Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
