U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
