Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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