I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
