And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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