I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
