i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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