my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
